I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
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I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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