I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize