If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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