Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
