Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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What changed your mind?
Being sober
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
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I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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