4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
