Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
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my professor just said "the power of the situation"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet