one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.