last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
