She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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