I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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