You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
