found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
