Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
