i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.