I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.