i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
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Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.