I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood