Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?