just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.