I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.