She is in my trunk
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
