if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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