i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
