If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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