the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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