I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize