sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
