all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize