So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.