I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
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Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
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If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment