She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor