it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
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somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him