Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.