she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.