How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to