woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.