I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it