went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.