the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me