Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.