exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
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Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.