Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize