Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
sarcasm needs its own font
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize