i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
