I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I love you.
Bad choice
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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