Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Alive.
So much puke
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
