I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
why does every cop we meet know your name?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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