Well apparently he's into motor boating.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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