I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize