is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize