How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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