Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
