can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
