My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
