whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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