Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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