Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am naked and annoyed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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