it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
