he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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