my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
