mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
