I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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