a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
