Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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