my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
