you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
