i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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